I am resurrecting this blog. Why did I let it die such a slow, agonizing death? I practically held its head under water!
I eventually had to be honest with myself.....what the heck was I doing? Who was I trying to be? Certainly not me! I was trying to be any number of the other bloggers I follow and in the end just felt like I was stalking them, stealing bits and pieces of their creativity to use perversely as my own. I felt dirty. I felt like a thief.
It had to end somewhere. It ended almost 2 years ago to this day.
One thing I made a promise to myself NOT to do is delete the old posts. No. They deserve their place in this blog to show where I was and hopefully serve as the bridge to where I will be going. Nothing good was ever gotten without at least a little pain. These old posts are like dozens of little pin pricks reminding me not to go back. I need them. Little wounds occasionally oozing blood or not, or not, they are part of me.
I had been going through a lot up until that point....a lot of life changes. In the meantime, I've gone through more.....hey I wouldn't be alive if I wasn't! While I still find almost a teenage awkwardness with expressing myself, I am at a point where it's time to rebel and date the bad boy and try whatever way I can to gain my own attention and keep it. I can't care about you, reader. This is for my benefit......it's just a cherry on top if you actually like what I have to say or even if you don't like it, KNOW what it's like to feel this way, no matter how awful. And it's chocolate drizzle on top if you actually continually tune in and follow me.
Some posts will be good, probably mostly bad,with a sprinkle here and there of the mediocre or trite. I'm not perfect and neither is my writing. But then if it went against who I was I wouldn't be fooling anyone anyway. You'd see right through it and bam...there rolls the cherry onto the sticky parlor table neglected all day by the sophomore working behind the counter. Yuck. But I would have no one to blame but me since I did nothing to stop that terrible trainwreck, did I?
It's gonna be a bumpy ride, so throw you hands up in the air, don't hold on, and roll with it, scary turns and all!